I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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