My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize