apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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