Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
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I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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