I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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