Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize