ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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