She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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