So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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