Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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