i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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