Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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