i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
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so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
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I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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