i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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