just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize