i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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