Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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