If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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