i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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