He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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