thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it was like eating out sand paper
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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