Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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