We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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