Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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