I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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