Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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