The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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