My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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