Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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