I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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