Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
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Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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