Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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