Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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