Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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