I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize