wrigley field is MILF paradise
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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