: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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