sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Come see our sink grown plant.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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