cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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