Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize