he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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