so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize