it was like his penis was on wheels.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize