Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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