she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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