Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize