I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize