I'm so fucking centered right now
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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