Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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