hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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